He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
Randomize
