So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
I really don't understand how I cannot figure out how to work a fucking can opener when I'm hungover. Yet I still retained the ability to take a perfectly symmetrical picture of my erect penis and send it to every person in Matt's contacts the night before.
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
learning about efficiency and effectiveness in an administration seminar. real world application: walking across the street to the pub on break to shotgun a beer.
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
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