i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
Weer fine. went to buiy cigxs, but hes theonly one waering shoes. He caem out wti chicke fingers instead. whatecer, there th 8 dollar kind.
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
Randomize
