i hope S**** or M***** or someone took note of the fact that i was drinking popov like water and could no longer form sentences. i mean, dont get me wrong i had been thinking about boning R*** long before my sobriety left the picture but the number of reasons not to, outweighed the temptation and without sir robert burnett as R***'s wingman, it would have never happened
Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
Randomize
