i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
I'm 25 and she is 19. She wants to practice blowjobs on me because of my stamina. Not only does the GI bill pay for me to go to school I am teaching a freshman blowjob course. I love Texas.
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
Randomize
