Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
Randomize