and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
By the way anyone who is willing to be in the film while tripping gets free shrooms.
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
Randomize
