I feel great
I just peed on a car
Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
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