Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
So gin and wine won't be happening again
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
Randomize
