Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
Randomize
