The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
you inspire me to be a worse person
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
dude. I can hear the air.
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
Randomize
