i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
its summer. and we all know college gfs do not count in summer.
college gfs dont count ever. theyre like getting corn rows in jamaica. you feel cool at the time. then you go home and people make fun of you.
drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
Randomize
