So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
they're like a gay fantastic four
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
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