I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
Randomize
