I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
Randomize
