I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
Randomize
