I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
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