I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
Randomize
