There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
I bet Jafar would keep his hat on during
Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
how can i change my meal plan to a keystone plan?
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
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