he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
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