Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
Randomize
