Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
he has been on a 2 week bender, has been homeless for a week and a half, and leaves for madagascar in 2 days. Do we worry or is that normal?
We will. we just need a little inspiration.... in smoke form.
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
Randomize
