Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
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