I need a man. I think Im going to put myself on Craigs list since they caught the killer and all.
Do it and if you add naked pictures youll get an instant reply
omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
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