so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
how the fuck is Katelyn 5'1" and 85 lbs and she tackled a bouncer to the ground?
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
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