im so glad i don't have to work tomorrow. I'm spendin all night on the new call of duty.
Wow. That's the gayest thing you ever said.
Look man i'm staying in playing videogames and growing a beard. Its not like i'm trying to get a girlfriend.
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
Randomize
