oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
And Anthony pissed on himself at the strip club
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
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