There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
Randomize