He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
Granted, we were all high and wasted, but the fact that she thought we couldn't see her making out with the charles in charge lookalike bc she was holding up a pillow in front of them is a little ridiculous
Did he look more like 80s Charles in Charge or the old one that had that VH1 show? It makes a difference.
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
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