i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
Was that before, or after strip tac toe.....
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