I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
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