thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
Randomize
