so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
One person in the car. Three blizzards. Alot of judging.
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize
