dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
Randomize
