Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
Watching her eat just hurts me
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
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