Don't be scared. It'll feel very good. And you'll be clean afterwards. I'm growling right now.
its not stalking. its research.
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
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