i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
now acid just makes me think of crab ragoon
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
Randomize
