we have officially mastered the walk of shame
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
Randomize
