did you get engaged???
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
My butt remains clenched, sir.
Randomize