my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
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