Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
im trying to stop thinking of him and his amazing dick. every time i do i snap myself with a rubber band. classical conditioning at its finest...and you said i wouldnt learn anything from psychology.
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
Randomize