the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
Randomize
