So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
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