our cab driver is having phone sex.
He had to pee in the sink beside my head because the girl that I was taking care of was passed out on the toilet. To answer your question: yes i took a peek. Thats why we hooked up later.
Smoking bowl and applying to community college. I now know how I got here.
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
Randomize
