Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
I didnt say frisky time, just alone time, to chat, or watch a show, or stare into one anothers eyes, or souls, or asses, whatever you straight people do
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
Randomize
