News Flash: Turtles are cuter than Jesus.
Congrats on damning at least 10 generations of your offspring to hell with just one text message. Way to start your morning off right.
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
He ate me out for my sailor moon manga and I gave him a blowjob for his Devilman manga. Pretty sweet deal imo
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