I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
Randomize