After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
Randomize
