so i was creeping on him today and there was like nothing new except he became a fan of getting dome
i wish i could be like. "i like giving dome, lets be friends"
i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
Huh interesting. Well thats too bad. Did he catch on?
I doubt it. After sex he sat there naked until the episode of fresh prince (which had JUST started) was over.
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
WHAT IS ALL THIS WATER BOTTLE FLIPPING NONSENSE? WHAT IS LIT?
YOUTHS.
Randomize
