Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
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