the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
I AM VODKA MAN
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
I feel like I shouldn't be encouraging my friends to hook up with their teachers.....but if it's for academic reasons....then I definitely encourage it.
There are leaves in my underwear?
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
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