I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
lol hangovers are for mortals.
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
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