i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
Randomize
