i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
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