i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
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