he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
We talked him into tasing himself.
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
