if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
You threw up with such class too! Tiara and all.
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
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