Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
we're like Indians of the 21st century. trading not for food and survival but personal gain and by trouble you mean getting daytime drunk and going to the roller ring then yes.
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
Liz is crying about burritos again.
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
Randomize
