Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
Randomize