Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
Randomize
