if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
so evidently blowing a guy does not mean he will say hi to you when he sees you in class.. in case you're ever wondering
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