Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
Randomize
