i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
Yes perhaps we are both wrong. And did you call me bj girl?
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
me + whiskey = a bad person
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
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