shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
Randomize
