youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
barbara walters just said penis...
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
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