so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
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