I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
either way he was missing a nipple.
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
I just don't understand how she's willing to go through so much planning and effort just to get a dick inside of her
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
Randomize
