Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
is it wrong to hook up with someone at a memorial drum circle
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
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