3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great
I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
Randomize
