Nice. Sry i missed. Also sorry that i pissed on my toothbrush last nite
Sink seemed easy target but balance was no good
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
Randomize
