Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
Pot didnt help. Now Im even sadder but now im afraid of the clouds and the crickets.
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
I use my feet as sexual weapons
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
Randomize
