i already hear my dad disowning me
how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
Randomize
