You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
I stole a fireplace last night.
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
Randomize
