either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
Joe is yelling at the trees again.
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
Randomize
