Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
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