A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
Can you send me a pic of you vag, I'm sexting the guy and he wants a pic but I didnt shave
dude are you serious?
I know you already have a pic on your phone
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
Randomize
