tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
you only had a canadian ten, but you said it was all good cuz you would just by molson.
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
We talked him into tasing himself.
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
Randomize
