I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
Randomize
