sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
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