Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
You smell like a Billy Joel song
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
Randomize