OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
just saw a prosititute with a baby stroller...question is...if the baby wakes up is the blow job free?
every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
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