sorry if i was weird last night, had weird deja vu that we had done that before, i mean with the peanut butter.
we had.
well that explains the rash. i dont think i should see you again.
I'm going to rape someone's good day.
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
is he apposed to sex in general? or just porch sex?
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
I found out that they tried to reenact the Snooki drop by using a jump rope and the banister. Pictures say it all.
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
Randomize
